Sunday night, the day before Ben’s funeral Pam and I were so twisted inside.  I remember telling Pam that I had this feeling of excitement mixed with nausea thinking of getting to see Ben one more time.
The funeral director also goes to our church.  His name is Larry.  He was amazing to us.  He called [...]

After I finished created Ben’s CD that night with Pam, I didn’t know that Pam began to quietly panic about what she was going to do or give to Ben.  Here I made this CD for him to hand out at the funeral and she couldn’t think of one thing to do.
A toy from her [...]

For those of you who know me well, you know that I love to make mixes for people.  Music changes everything.  God uses music to speak to me and I use music to talk with people.  Sometimes a song just says it so much better. I knew the first thing that I needed to make [...]

Ben was born and died on Tuesday, early in the morning, March 10th of 2009.    At first we thought Ben’s funeral was going to be on Saturday, but because of the severity of Pam’s condition we spent a week in the hospital and had to wait until that Monday.  Pastor Brian and Larry Gay from [...]

When I first moved to York I was in a class lead by Brian Rice on Leadership.   There is one lesson he taught that I’ll never forget.  Hopefully I remember it well enough to represent it well.
Brian said to us that when people first become followers of Jesus there are a couple steps that pretty [...]

Death is so hard for me to face.  It’s been sometime now since I’ve posted.  I was doing so well too.  Every time I get the nerve to write my body becomes boneless and I just can’t move.  It’s so hard for me to write.  It’s hard because I want to dig deep for people [...]

My wife and I choose one name for our son before he was born: Benjamin Edward.  Benjamin after Pam’s Poppy, and Edward after my Father, my Pop-Pop, and my own middle name.  Ben.  Benny.  Big Ben.  This was the name I wanted for my boy.  I wanted to call him this his whole life.  It [...]

My Mom-Mom delivered a child who died between my mom and her brother.  They never knew if they had a boy or a girl, they just removed her baby from the room.
Before my Pop-Pop died he told us that when he went to heaven he would finally get to know if he had a boy [...]

I love my wife.  We stood in front of all our friends and family and made our love a permanent commitment.  I would do anything for her . . . most of the time.  But if I’m honest, my love for Pam is a choice.
I know this doesn’t sound romantic, but it’s the truth.  I [...]

For the past several months, since the start of Pam’s pregnancy, she has been trying to train me for the delivery of our baby.  This always happened in a couple stages.
She would describe, in detail, what it was like when her cousin Stacy gave birth to her two little girls.  Stacy wanted Pam in the [...]