Since Ben was born at 34 weeks, my family began to panic realizing that his expected birthday at the end of April was approaching.  They wanted to do something special for Pam and me.  My mom called me up and asked what the family could do.  I’m one of six kids and we are all [...]

About a month after Ben died we got a package.  I love packages.  I love presents, so even if I ordered something for myself on the web and even if I paid for it, it’s still exciting.  Sometimes I even forget what I ordered, which makes it even more exciting.
I brought the package in and [...]

Reading the Bible has always been difficult for me.  When I took the SATs I could handle almost every part until it came time for me to reading comprehension.  I clearly remember having no clue what I was reading.
When I got to college it didn’t get much better, I was just forced to do it [...]

The day after we buried Ben the clouds disappeared and a clear warm day somehow escaped past March’s cold rainy grip.  We buried Ben about a mile from where we live in a place that we drive by constantly.  At first it seemed like a great idea: we would always be near him.  But the [...]

Hello Hello!  I haven’t posted in some time now and wanted to give everyone an update.  The update is that there are lots of updates!  This coming weekend I’m going to be posting a lot.  There is so much that is happening in our story that we want to share with all of you.  At [...]

After Ben’s service we put everything in his little casket that we wanted to bury with him: letters from Pam and I, a laminated picture of us with a note from us, a copy of The Lion, The Which, and The Wardrobe, a stuffed animal Lion we named Aslan, and my sister put in a [...]

I want to explain as much as I can about the actual service that we held for Ben.  It was, beyond a doubt, one of the most beautiful, powerful, and painful experiences of my life.  For those of you who weren’t there, I hope this gives you a taste of what it was like.  For [...]

Dad,
I love you so much.  I can’t imagine that at one point in time you held me in your arms like I held Ben.  I had NO idea of the kind of love that you have for me until that moment.  It’s amazing.  You have been an amazing father.  Live is worth living.
To everyone [...]

To Pastor Brian,
The way you loved Pam and I through this is unspeakable.  Your words still bring life to me.  Thank you for saying Ben’s name over and over again in your message.  Thank you for loving our son.
To everyone reading this,
Please read this slowly, it’s just amazing… and full of hope.
John [...]

Pam and I woke up Monday morning in a fog. We picked our clothes out in that fog. We got dressed in that fog. And we waited for Pam’s best friend to pick us up in that fog. I’ve read from multiple people in multiple books that none of us knows [...]