My wife and I choose one name for our son before he was born: Benjamin Edward.  Benjamin after Pam’s Poppy, and Edward after my Father, my Pop-Pop, and my own middle name.  Ben.  Benny.  Big Ben.  This was the name I wanted for my boy.  I wanted to call him this his whole life.  It [...]

My Mom-Mom delivered a child who died between my mom and her brother.  They never knew if they had a boy or a girl, they just removed her baby from the room. Before my Pop-Pop died he told us that when he went to heaven he would finally get to know if he had a [...]

I love my wife.  We stood in front of all our friends and family and made our love a permanent commitment.  I would do anything for her . . . most of the time.  But if I’m honest, my love for Pam is a choice. I know this doesn’t sound romantic, but it’s the truth.  [...]

For the past several months, since the start of Pam’s pregnancy, she has been trying to train me for the delivery of our baby.  This always happened in a couple stages. She would describe, in detail, what it was like when her cousin Stacy gave birth to her two little girls.  Stacy wanted Pam in [...]

On my drive home I talked with my dad shortly.  He informed me, and it was the first time I understood, that Pam was dying.  My dad said that Pam is really sick and I needed to talk with her.  She was waiting for me to be with her, so I could be with her [...]

When my plane landed one of my best friends, Tim called me right away.  I had sent him a text right before my plane lifted off to DC.  Tim called to tell me about an organization called, “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.”  He told started to tell me what it was, and I [...]

Pam keeps asking me, “John, what were you thinking on your trip home?” Waiting for the plane I wept in a corner looking away from people.  The flight home was no different.  I was just quieter.  The same plane that took me to San Fransisco was refueled and returning to DC with me on it. [...]

I arrived at Dulles at 5:30am for my 7:00am flight.  I got on the plane which already started boarding at 6:30, a half hour before take off.  I took a seat next to Pradip, my CIO, who was extremely relieved to see me.  Apparently, John (an old Navy Diver and my CEO) and Pradip (a [...]

Our flight was out of Dulles at 7am which is a two hour drive from where I live.  I was so nervous about not making the flight that I asked some good friends, Monte and Lori, if I could stay with them for the night since they live just a couple miles from the airport. [...]

I work in a grey cube.  There are florescent lights buzzing all around me.  When I got in my cube for the first time, I climbed up on the desk, and unscrewed a total of 16 florescent bulbs.  I drive an hour and  a half everyday to work both ways.  I also carpool with two [...]